This post will involve horse racing but it is a bit of a deviation from what I normally write about on this blog.

My grandma, who I was very close to, passed away one year ago today. I know the traditional wisdom is with time comes healing. And many also say how as one gets older time flies.

As this anniversary of her passing approached, I found a multitude of thoughts winging through my mind. In a way I suppose that is fitting.

Life itself can be a jumble of experiences at times and grief can bring that to the forefront.

In a way, that means that I’m not even certain I have fully processed what her not being here means. Shortly after she passed I would still find myself wanting to reach for the phone and call her – she had been in many ways a beacon of truth (even if it was something one didn’t like to hear, there was love behind it) and understanding. She truly was like a rock in our family, someone to count on.

It’s been a while since the impulse to call her has struck but then just a few days ago it came back. It’s always unexpected and for a few seconds there will be that leap of anticipation at getting to talk to her before reality intrudes again.

Maybe what I am now is more wistful that she is not here to go visit or talk to and that is what I can feel when I see places she used to be or that we used to go. But I think wistful is another kind of sad. Not as intense but still some of grief’s echo.

Recalling how time can fly means I find it hard to believe one year has passed already for something I initially didn’t know how to process. But then again I don’t think grief is ever something to process. I think that the best a person can hope for is to find a way to incorporate that in memory and hopefully realize that whoever is gone will never fully be gone.

When my family took a Christmas photo together last year, because I was thinking of my grandma so much during the time that photo was taken, I felt like she was there with me.

It seems to me that a person who passes away goes through the last great frontier a being can cross. While we can never know for sure what is on the other side I do believe that energy cannot fully dissipate. I believe our loved ones are still around in some form, even if that form is only memory and caring forward a love that was shared.

My grandma chose a caring profession of social work and that was a caring that was evident to everyone who knew her. I was touched at some point in the year after her passing to realize an acquaintance had her as a social worker at some point in his life and that she made a strong impact on him through the course of that work.

She did pass away on Memorial Day, which in a way seems fitting and perhaps a bit ironic. Although I don’t truly like to use the word ironic because that seems to make the light of the circumstances. Perhaps that just means I am still trying to sort out my thoughts.

As this anniversary approached I did find a lot of memories of her naturally coming to mind.

I am grateful that they were more about the moments I shared with her and not as much the day of her passing. While some part of that will linger in my mind it is better to have more of her life as a whole to be what filters through.

When one of my cats of 13 years passed away I didn’t want the sadness at his passing to override the joy I felt sharing a life with him and that is the same way I feel about my grandma. I know grieving is necessary and therapeutic to process emotions but I also never want to let what an entire life meant to be overshadowed by one day.

There is a quote on the wall of the 9/11 Museum in New York that says, “no single day shall erase you from the memory of time,” and I think that is an important quote for anyone who has lost someone to take to heart.

When some of the memories recently came sweeping over me they were initially when my cousin’s young daughter was playing in a lobby of the facility where my grandma lived and how she brought a brightness to a time that was also very somber. Isn’t that like the yin and yang of life and also how it’s illustrative that a person’s legacy does carry on through their family?

This was the first time I met this young girl who lives far from here. She is my cousin once removed, and as young children will do she had a joy for life and a yen to pretend. She entertained me and several other family members while she played restaurant, particularly when she notified us that her restaurant was a carrot restaurant. When we placed our orders with her for her pretend food, keeping in mind that it was a carrot restaurant I requested a carrot cake. Even though that was the first time I ever met her she actually took that to heart. Her mom told me later that when they went to the grocery store during that time they were here to be at my grandma’s side, her daughter wanted them to buy a carrot cake for me. I was so moved and in that I saw that a lot of the love my grandma had for her family was carried forward in another of her descendants.

Whenever things were going on where it was prudent that this young cousin needed to be out of the room where my grandma was that was done. At one point I went out to comfort her and that may have been when we first talked about the carrot cake as I dove back into the game of the carrot restaurant.

When we had to go to the funeral home, she had a coloring book and was sitting near me. I engaged with her while she cut out items and I was again touched when she gave me a page from her coloring book. It made such a difference to have her there with everything else that was going on.

Those were some of the memories going through my mind and then it was natural to think of how I would have enjoyed telling my grandma about the carrot restaurant and how she would have laughed and that too made me smile instead of feel sad that I couldn’t tell her that story.

Many times I have thought maybe somehow somewhere she still knows what is going on with her family and even if she doesn’t I can still send that out into the universe with all the love I have for her.

More thoughts came to mind that were not about the time when she was leaving this life. They were about her hospitality when I still lived in Kentucky and came back to Tennessee for visits. She had bought a large house and I would sometimes stay in one of its spare rooms. In this room she had photos on the wall that she had carried from place to place of her children and grandchildren.

My grandma was greatly skilled at things like knitting and quilting. She had made an elaborate quilt at some point in her life that was so well made it looks like it could have come from a machine, custom produced instead of handmade. I am in awe of the skill and time it must have taken to do that.

I bring this up because it probably is what led her to place these photos of family members on a backdrop of fabric with ribbon placed throughout it that made a frame around each photo she placed on there. Looking at those pictures in that room and several other rooms she had placed them in throughout her life gave me a sense of continuity, a family legacy and reminded me of how she probably thought of that too when she placed them all together.

Also on that bed in her spare room that I would sometimes sleep in was the quilt she had made. When she was paring down her belongings to get ready to move to the last home she would have she realized she was ready to pass on that quilt and she had taped a note to it that said it was for one of her children or grandchildren. I was grateful to get to be the recipient of that quilt and she told me that it is one that can be washed but I’m not even putting it on a bed. It feels like a heirloom and a memory, even though it can be used in a practical way.

Another memory that came to mind was on the day that she passed when I and several family members went to the Airbnb where my aunt was staying to regroup.

One of the horses I had a microshare in was scheduled to race that day. I remember sitting by my uncle on the couch while my young cousin (once removed, yes, but that seems too formal to keep calling her) introduced us to her stuffed animals nearby. It was again soothing to me to see the innocence and joy of a young child at play.

It felt a little odd to watch a horse race during that time and I wondered if it would seem disrespectful. I don’t remember if I started out with it muted or if I ever turned the volume up slightly as we all sat around quietly.

I couldn’t resist the impulse to watch the race even though my thoughts about it were not with a level of anticipation I would have usually had, understandably. I do remember my uncle sitting beside me did say something about horse racing as I watched it. When the horse I’d invested in won the race that day it again seem like a reminder of the yin and yang of life. The sadness existing alongside some of the happiness it can contain. And perhaps also fittingly and maybe also a bit ironically is that the horse I invested in who won that day is named A Day to Remember.

So now a year has gone by. I will spend time with my mom today and I’m sure we will reminisce.

A Day to Remember himself has recently been retired but he will go to a good home. That is one thing that matters the most to me about MyRacehorse. As a microshare investor I knew I would not have any say in where a horse goes upon retirement, although some of the microshare investors that have horse experience actually have ended up owning some of the racehorses they invested in.

Since I know personally will never be in a position to do that, what really stood out to me the most is that MyRacehorse has a commitment to good aftercare for the horses they’ve invested in. Even if they don’t own them at the time they retire from racing, they still keep tabs on them.

So yes, time marches on and sometimes it does seem to go by faster and faster.

My oldest nephew recently finished his third year of college, another milestone that has me wondering where the time went.

This time next year we will be at his college graduation and I know there will be a part of me that will think my grandma is there in spirit too.

I used to talk to her about racing, even though like everyone else in my family she doesn’t have much of a level of interest in it. But she would listen because it mattered to me.

That’s how she always was. If it mattered to us, her family, or something was bothering us she always would listen. Things that she said stay with me.

And I suppose that is the best legacy anyone could hope for.

The path to 2026 Kentucky Derby glory ultimately ran through a legacy that stretched nearly as long as that of the storied race itself, with the Phipps’ family’s century-long involvement in racing once more bearing fruit. In the post-race winners’ press conference, the importance of being able to draw upon the Phipps family legacy of foundation mares was cited.

But before that moment arrived, Golden Tempo himself was a little lost in the shuffle. This is not to say he didn’t have Derby-worthy credentials. He came into the race a Grade 3 winner and with stakes placings in higher-level graded stakes races on the Derby prep trail.

The star power of Renegade, the flashy 11-length triumph in the Blue Grass Stakes that Further Ado notched were perhaps diverting enough to take focus from Golden Tempo. The heartwarming story of So Happy, racing from the Mark Glatt stable just a few months after the unexpected passing of his wife, also drew a lot of media coverage.

But Golden Tempo’s team had faith in him and his ability and Cherie DeVaux said after the race that they were there for the horse, not for their egos. He brought them there, and he took them all the way to a pinnacle of racing glory. It was beautiful to see what a cohesive team they are.

Any Kentucky Derby has the potential to be a roller-coaster of a race. The 152^nd edition seemed to almost have more than its share, all coalescing to make for quite the exciting moments shortly prior to post time and on to the finish line.

Great White, a horse who garnered attention for his massive 17.2 hand size, perhaps was rattled by the crowd or the noise of the largest group of people he or any of the other runners would ever appear before in a race. He reared skyward, and physics took over, bringing him on his side on the track near the starting gate. Fortunately, he didn’t hit his head and also just avoided his jockey Alex Achard, also on the ground, as he got back to his feet. Quickly grabbed by a nearby outrider, and without ample time to evaluate him after a hard fall, he was prudently scratched. It was the right decision for the best interest of the colt, but I could sense the palpable disappointment of Achard through the screen So close to the chance of riding his first Kentucky Derby ever, over on the cusp of beginning.

That scratch prompted a reorganization, with horses already loaded in the gate backed out as post position numbers were rearranged. Reloaded, they were off!

Renegade, in post position one, was nearly slammed sideways by the momentum of the horses to his outside. Even with that, he robustly held his ground as much as possible and held on to keep surging forward.

Further Ado, with the flashiest margins of victory of any in the field, also appeared to get into a bumper car type situation coming out of the gate, so common in this race.

He was one of three co-favorites at post time, indicating even the bettors weren’t certain there was a clear contender to be most likely to wear the roses.

And when the finish line approached, it seemed a bit like a free-for-all and more of what made it quite a roller coaster. Wonder Dean, one of two Japanese contenders, looked well-poised to give Japan its first Kentucky Derby victory. Then, improbably, the maiden Ocelli took over the lead and for a wild few seconds he looked like victory would be his.

Then at last it all became clear, as Golden Tempo finished his charge from the back of the field and held off Renegade for the victory. Trainer Cherie DeVaux and her family were beside themselves with joy and elation, and so was the colt’s jockey Jose Ortiz.

Before the race, Donna Barton was the only NBC analyst to pick Golden Tempo. It is her last Kentucky Derby broadcast and she mentioned how she would like to see a female trainer win.

As she spoke to Ortiz aboard Golden Tempo on the way to the winners’ circle, the emotion hit him strongly. Eleven Kentucky Derby rides and his first win in the storied race. Even more than winning the race, thoughts of his family made it emotional. He said he wished his grandfather could be there, but knew he was watching from heaven. It was an echo of Calvin Borel years ago saying he wished his mother and father could be there to see what he’d made of his life, and as someone who lost a beloved family member less than a year ago, I understand so well the emotion that can hit when milestones and time march on without a integral person to share them with. And the desire to think that somewhere, somehow, they still know.

While Cherie DeVaux waited to greet Ortiz and Golden Tempo, heralding her as the first victorious female trainer in the Kentucky Derby began. She acknowledged that by saying, “I’m glad I can be a representative of all women everywhere, that we can do anything we set our minds to.”

That was a great perspective to have. Winning the Derby, even with her being the first female trainer to do so adds another historic accomplishment to the race, is a trainer achievement above all, regardless of gender.

I myself have often wondered at the under-representation of women in many facets of racing in areas where it shouldn’t be unexpected to see them especially in a sport that has had centuries to keep pace with women pursuing career goals.

One of DeVaux’s responses to a media question in the post-race press conference spoke a bit to the heart of why that might be. She said, “The racetrack’s a tough place. It’s a tough place if you’re a man. It’s a tough place if you’re a woman. The thing that has really become apparent to me is not everyone has the same constitution as I have, mentally and it really is an honor to be able to be that person for other women or girls to look up to. You know, you can dream big and you can pivot. You can come from one place and make yourself a part of history.”

Reflecting upon that statement and my own stints of working at the racetrack I see perfectly how that aligns with anyone taking home the elusive Kentucky Derby trophy is a demanding endeavor indeed. Days as a racing journalist are long. Days as a racetrack photographer are long. While they are not as much on the front lines as being a trainer or a jockey, a groom or an exercise rider, it is still all a part of the same day. Follow the racing circuits. Miss family milestones, family dinners, travel constantly. I have been a hotwalker too and away from the track mucked out stalls and fed horses. I’ve been up at 5 a.m. To be at the track to hotwalk. And I was actually thrilled to do it. I’ve seen how some grooms live, 3 in a small tack room for the duration of a meet. It does take a lot of focus and dedication. It takes a passion.

When I think of all of that, I can see why day in and day out, year in and year out, it may be hard indeed for people of any gender to keep going, especially to find the path to historic glory. That is definitely what the Kentucky Derby is, as DeVaux said, whether one is a man or a woman.

It really does take a team, and planning, and luck. And also it is wonderful that a woman did finally achieve this. It is wonderful to have that representation for women and girls who want to dream big. Sometimes seeing someone similar to them achieve such a feat (and even not sugarcoating the challenges) can be all it takes to inspire more to try to emulate her path.

Daisy Phipps Pulito, also in the post-race interview, answered a reporter’s question about why she chose DeVaux to train Golden Tempo and a few other of their horses. “I love the way she works with horses. I love the way she develops a horse… We thought Golden Tempo would be a great match and it was.”

She also noted that she was familiar with DeVaux from prior association through racing, and that living in Kentucky meant she could observe her train and fully assess if she would fit with some of the Phipps horses.

Especially on a golden Saturday in May, how well she could fit with a Phipps horse shone. They did indeed find a matching tempo.

On January 17, 2025, Caldera made his 3-year-old debut in a maiden special weight at Oaklawn Park, where he romped by 5 ½ lengths while he was wearing blinkers for the first time. His trainer D. Wayne Lukas felt the colt merited a chance at a stakes race and the possibility of accruing Kentucky Derby points. With that in mind, Caldera targeted the Sunland Derby. His game second place finish to graded stakes winner Getaway Car gave him 10 points for the Kentucky Derby. While that was not enough to make it into the field for the classic, Lukas noted that Caldera was still learning. He had told Randy Moss before the Sunland Derby that Caldera “greets me at the front of the stall every morning eager to train. He’s got a bright future.”

After Caldera stumbled at the start in the Louisiana Derby and grabbed a quarter, Lukas opted to run him in the April 19 Bathhouse Stakes at Oaklawn Park for his next start. While the colt jogged sound coming out of the Louisiana Derby, he realized the Blue Grass Stakes that he had considered was coming up tough. The Bathhouse Stakes would give him the chance to run in either the Preakness Stakes or the Sir Barton Stakes. While Caldera placed second there in another game effort that echoed his attempt at the Sunland Derby, Lukas determined Caldera would benefit from a break from the track. He spent several months at a farm, returning to Lukas’ barn at Ellis Park in June 2025. Lukas expected his return to fitness wouldn’t take long.

Near the end of June, MyRacehorse provided the update to Caldera’s microshare holders that “D.Wayne Lukas has unfortunately been battling a severe infection and will not be returning to training. He will be spending his remaining time with his family… Mr. Lukas has been a key part of the MyRacehorse stable in recent years, and we are so honored to have worked with such an incredible horseman and human being. Our hearts go out to the entire Lukas family and his team.”

I reiterated those thoughts – a main reason I invested in Caldera was to read some of Lukas’ training insights and thoughts about a specific horse, after watching him succeed on major race days on TV broadcasts. It was a gift to know I had a little stake in a horse under his care.

Bas Nicholl, a long-term Lukas assistant trainer, took over the day-to-day training operations and he reported on June 28 that Caldera would need more time off than he’d just had, seeming to have bone bruising. It was not a major issue, but would require time.

That same June evening, a remarkable life concluded. D. Wayne Lukas passed away with family at his side. Much has been written about his legacy, and that lingers in the minds of many.

Part of that story, even in a minor way, will be shaping Caldera’s future. When the colt was getting close to a return to the track in November 2025, MyRacehorse selected Saffie Joseph Jr. to be his next trainer, believing his training style would fit Caldera well.

In February this year, MyRacehorse mentioned “Saffie Joseph, Jr. is a trainer who typically gives horses an ample amount of morning workouts before considering them race ready.”

That foundation paid off well (even with a bit of a wait for races to fill and be carded that suited the colt) when Caldera won convincingly in an April 30 allowance claiming race at Gulfstream Park. Though he ran a bit erratically near the wire (possibly a reaction to the whip), he still cruised home with a final margin of victory of 6 ¼ lengths. It was almost exactly a year since his previous start, in a year where he gathered 10 Kentucky Derby points. Even though it was not in the cards for him to be a Derby contender, coming back with a win like he did further shows the promise D. Wayne Lukas saw in him has not dimmed. There should be plenty of blue sky ahead for Caldera, and the hope of a promising horse is wonderful.

With Kentucky Derby day nearly upon us, there are 20 horses vying for that chance at the promise of winning that classic. It brings to mind the apt quote about “the chance of a lifetime in a lifetime of chance.”

So Happy, from Mark Glatt’s barn, has garnered a lot of attention for getting his trainer to the race on the heels of his wife’s unexpected passing. It’s a feel-good story in the making.

Further Ado has also generated a lot of buzz, with impressive margins of victory in two races at Keeneland, including the Blue Grass Stakes most recently.

Bob Baffert stood trackside to watch his charges train, wearing a black cowboy hat and with a visage a bit more weathered. In a way, it seemed like an echo of Lukas still at the track.

The stage is nearly set for the Kentucky Derby, one of the greatest days in racing. Here’s to safe trips for all!

And it is in many ways a part of the legacy of D. Wayne Lukas, when he reached one more time for that Derby starting gate with Caldera. And he knew that it was part of the dreams this sport can inspire, when he mentioned his Classic success with Seize the Grey drew in a lot of additional investors to Caldera. He will be remembered for many Derbies to come.

When a great racehorse reaches the end of a life, the course of the lifespan he or she had can remind one of a quote that a racehorse is the only horse that can take thousands for a ride at the same time.

When Denali Stud announced that Serena’s Song passed away peacefully, having nearly reached the actual thirty-fourth anniversary of her foaling, which would have been in April, part of their tribute to her and the tremendous life she lived brought to mind that impact she had on a multitude of racing enthusiasts, myself included.

Knowing that she had long held the grand title, well-deserved, of Queen of Denali Stud definitely showcased the esteem she was always held in there, and what a privilege everyone there felt it was to be her retirement home for each year of her life once she left the racetrack.

When I read their tribute to her, a cascade of memories flowed through my mind. I could see that the same must have happened when the farm wrote their tribute as well.

While I had not spent as much time in her company as they had, naturally, thanks to the graciousness of Denali Stud, visiting Serena’s Song was an opportunity they were glad to offer.

I still remember that I first got to visit her in 2010, when the World Equestrian Games were held in Lexington, and in conjunction there were a lot of special events that were horse-related happening throughout central Kentucky. At that time, I thought visiting Denali and seeing Serena’s Song would only happen then, and only because of the World Equestrian Games.

That definitely meant I savored the moments seeing her. At that time, she was still in her active broodmare years but since it was fall that year’s foal had been weaned. I recall the tour guide saying the filly she had was anxious, as a weanling can be, but Serena’s Song was ready for the time to herself again.

I don’t recall when I next saw her – while I don’t remember specific dates or years, as part of that cascade of memories made possible by Denali opening their gates to her fans, the visits and time in her presence are fresh in my mind. I too always felt like it was a privilege to be near her.

One of the first times I got to stand close to her, I learned that peppermints kept her happy and helped her be less inclined to get impatient with standing still. She was always a horse with a strong will – and I admire that. No doubt it had a lot to do with why she was so successful on the racetrack, and why so many of her progeny left their mark on racing as well. I could imagine it even had a bearing on her long life, along with the care she received at Denali.

I remembered a time visiting her with a friend, one spring when the Keeneland meet was in full flow. When I stood alongside her then, I found a spot on her side near her withers where she wanted to be scratched and it was evident how much she enjoyed that. Doing something she loved for her also felt like a gift.

Now and then I would send her peppermints as the time of the anniversary of her actual foaling date approached, wanting her to have more of what she enjoyed.

And thinking of it being a privilege to be near her, once a groom who handled her during a visit when it was just me offered her lead rope so that just I was handling her for that part of the visit and for photos. I thought then of the years watching her on TV, and it was incredible to realize that the horse I only saw through a TV screen when I never knew I’d one day live in Kentucky was now one I was given the chance to handle myself. I love farm visits with retired horses because getting to know what they are like and their temperaments is best revealed when they are at a farm and one-on-one contact is possible, when they’re not focused on racing. That day handling Serena’s Song showed me so much of who she was. She was not mean, just sure of what she wanted, and she danced a bit at the end of the lead rope. Standing still was not what she wanted to do, and I could feel her energy through the line that connected us.

There are many reasons I know she will always have a place in my heart. The days I got to know her more than articles or race broadcasts could ever reveal are a lot of those. I am awe of the age she reached, and how she excelled as a racehorse and a broodmare, and a horse who touched people’s lives. She was truly a singular individual, and I am grateful for her life.

Today I saw a video on Facebook of a jockey who did a voiceover from a race he had ridden in, to share what he was thinking during the running of the race. It was an interesting immersive insight into those moments and it reminded me how all-encompassing the love of racing can be for me.

Having moved away from Kentucky, where that’s not as much a part of my life as it once was, I can tend to forget. Maybe a bit of me is needing a little distance for what I don’t get to experience as directly anymore. 

With the past few years leading to a lot of change in my life to adapt to, for that one pure moment of essentially riding along with the jockey and it just being about him and the rapport between the horse, it reminded me of what is at the essence of why I love racing.

This seems like an especially appropriate day to have seen that video as I reflected on the life of Afleet Alex and what he meant so many people.

I saw a quote a while back that a racehorse is one of the few that can simultaneously take thousands of people along for a ride at the same time. These horses definitely have an enduring presence upon anyone that they reached in any way.

Afleet Alex’s story and career are well-known and well-covered. What I want to focus on here are my own memories of him as a personal tribute.

Two of my most enduring memories of time with him are one day when I went to several farms having open houses and a day in the summer of 2022.

I don’t remember the year of the first one, but it was most likely in January of whatever year.  The unexpected part was that many of the grooms at the open houses were willing to give me a little more personal time with some of the stallions, unprompted.

Afleet Alex’s groom opened his stall door during that visit to Gainesway and let me come in the stall with him. When a friend accompanying me took a photo of me in the stall with Afleet Alex, he had good timing to open his mouth in a yawn so wide it looked like a laugh. That is a very amusing photo. It looks like I told him a good joke!  

My most recent visit with Afleet Alex was at the end of June 2022.

By then, I knew that I was likely moving out of Kentucky that year and I wanted to make certain to see him one more time.

I thought the odds of me returning to Gainesway for a visit after that were probably slim or would happen so sporadically that with him being an older stallion, it would be hard to say he would still be there on that as of yet unknown future visit.

So I lingered near him and took some video and a photo, just soaking in who he is.

I did write about that visit on my blog and how the person doing the tour commented what a good natured horse he is and it was always evident.

Even though that visit was not quite in July, it was a beautiful summer day with a lot of flowers in bloom and I found the peace time in nature and with horses often brings me.

When I left the farm, I was remembering a line from a Paul Simon song about “sweet July, and we drove the Montauk Highway.” 

Even though I was not anywhere near the Montauk Highway, the sweet July part and driving through areas where farms are brought that lyric to mind.

I’m glad that Afleet Alex had a life well-lived and that I was lucky to have many times to visit him over the years.

He will indeed be an enduring presence in the memories of many people who love racing and spent time with him.

When the news reached horse racing publications that D. Wayne Lukas was facing serious health issues and elected to refuse aggressive treatment so he could live out his remaining time with his family,  it was the day after a multitude of my own family members and I had gathered for a memorial service for my grandmother.

She too had chosen not to pursue aggressive treatment, given her age and that the chance of success was limited and the side effects would be harsh. 

Perhaps people born in 1935, as she and Lukas were, shared similarities shaped by the time they grew up in. While my grandmother didn’t live a high-profile life to the wider world like Lukas did, I can see some parallels in the lives they lived.  One of those was the differences they made in people’s lives that will ripple outward beyond their lifespans. For Lukas, it was in the assistants he mentored who went on to be trainers, and how he was open to giving young people access to racing, to potentially instill the love of it to the next generation. For my grandma, it was through the many people she helped in her career as a social worker, a profession that was definitely her calling, and in her steadfast love for her family.

Bob Baffert described Lukas as an optimist. That was in my grandma’s nature too. She was stoic and determined, and grew up in the same challenging time Lukas did, during part of the Great Depression and through World War II. There were significant challenges during that time for sure, and some deprivation, yet I never heard my grandma complain about it or her life in general. The closest I ever heard her come to complaining was saying she would never eat turnips again for the time when that was one of the few foods her family could get, and she never had a taste for them.

Lukas also carried a determination that saw him rise to the top of racing’s ranks, and as many have mentioned,  change the nature of the sport in his own way, a way that other trainers emulated. 

He was not without controversy over the years, to be sure,  but he still carried on, and this is not the space to address that.

I would rather share some of my own perceptions of him, and how he evoked a sense of awe for his accomplishments.

When I started watching horse racing on TV in my childhood, Lukas had already become a major force in the racing world. It was inevitable to learn about him. I watched my share of kids’ shows, but in some ways I also grew up watching stellar horses of the late ’80s and early to mid 1990s, as well as the trainers that dominated the sport during those years and beyond. 

That meant when I finally went to Kentucky, I was in awe to stand near and interact with the horses I’d only seen on TV before that. As I’ve recounted before,  that was all it took for me to know Kentucky was where I wanted to live. 

It was several years after I moved there that I first was in proximity to Mr. Lukas. I had gone up to Turfway Park from Lexington and at one point as I stood on a balcony near some stairs leading to the ground level, Lukas also came along and stood right by me for a few moments.  The “pinch-me” feeling was in full effect, much as it had been when I couldn’t believe I was standing near and feeding a peppermint to Charismatic during my first visit to Lane’s End.  Yet it was even stronger with Mr. Lukas standing nearby. His level of achievements in racing at that point had easily catapulted him to legend status long before,  and in some ways it felt like standing in the presence of racing royalty. He never considered himself as such, I’d wager, but at that moment that’s how it felt to me.

I read later he would invite kids into the winner’s circle after a horse from his stable won, doing all he could to help the next generation potentially foster an interest in racing. I’m sure he would have been glad to speak to me that day at Turfway,  but it never occurred to me. I’m not even sure what I would have said. It was enough to be there. 

A few years after that, I was in Saratoga to write for the Saratoga Special. I had a great assignment that gave me free rein to talk to a multitude of people on the backside. 

I found an opportunity came my way to speak to Lukas, and I grabbed it. I’ll never forget how gracious and charming he was in that brief interaction. I’ve had limited opportunities (not for lack of enthusiasm) to be professionally involved in racing, so even a short time to speak to one of racing’s greats stands out in my memory.

When Mr. Lukas donated a lot of his trophies to the Derby Museum, so many that they built a separate wing for them, it was a concrete example of the mark he made on racing, a visual right before the eyes of all who visit.  For me, it also showcased how racing trophies can reveal some of the very history of racing.

Of course, his legacy lingers deeper than trophies. It is in all the trainers he mentored,  and in the way his mode of operations generally became a standard in the larger stables trainers have.

And for me, it is in two more ways. It is in the inspiration I found in seeing him realize a pinnacle with both Oxbow and Seize the Grey in the twilight years of his racing career. That speaks to me, to see there’s no time limit on success if the desire and work ethic are there.

The other way his legacy lingers to me is with a horse that won’t even be a footnote in Mr. Lukas’ illustrious career, but stands out to me. Through MyRacehorse, I was able to invest in Caldera, a young colt that Lukas tried to steer to the Kentucky Derby this year. While that didn’t pan out,  he was still one of the last horses Lukas trained, and it meant a lot to me to hear his insights about him and the way he wanted to train him. 

I seem to recall Lukas once said he’d die on the track with his pony beneath him,  and when I told that to my mom, she said it meant he would go doing what he loved.

As the years advanced, Lukas did indeed keep accompanying his charges to the track on his pony, and it actually seemed incongruous when he started using a cane to walk. Even knowing his age,  his vibrant personality made it seem at odds. 

As a side note, that was how it was in my grandma’s later years too. She was such a fighter, so determined, to see age show its mark didn’t quite compute.

D. Wayne Lukas really did come close to staying at the track until the end, only walking away a few weeks before he passed peacefully with his family at his side on June 28.

I know from the vigil at my grandma’s side in her last days, it is hard to watch a loved one fade away, but it is also a gift to be able to surround them with love as they pass through the transition out of this life. 

Over time, I hope his family and all who knew him personally find peace in the memories. I know that takes time.

Tonight, I noticed a sunflower growing where I had tried to plant one several times from a seed I harvested from flowers I grew in Kentucky. It had been growing for quite a while when I saw it this evening, since it was tucked away by a bush and the tall remnants of a tree trunk.

Sometimes,  even when life feels a little heavy, it has ways of showing us the beauty in it. I hope one day, when they’ve had time for their grief to ebb a little,  Lukas’ family sees that too.

Rest in peace to a towering legend of the sport. I know his legacy will endure. 

Recently, I started the spring session at a therapeutic horse center called Small Miracles that provides trauma-informed care. What I had anticipated was horseback riding; indeed, the application for the session had indicated that. When I arrived and spoke to the executive director of the center for her to gather insight into what direction my sessions at the would take, her assessment was that riding was not ideal for me with my physical limitations. I concurred, even though someday I hope to be in a better physical position to ride again someday.

What she decided instead of me riding was that I needed to leave the day’s session with a sense of accomplishment, a degree of agency that I felt like trauma had taken from me.

I met some volunteers, and then a pony who stood about waist-high to me. Her name is Phoenix, and she is 19 or 20 years old. She had been through some trauma in her life, and it took time to get her able to be comfortable with people again and what life may bring her way. It took a lot of patience, I’m sure, and that is what any traumatized individual of any species needs.

I started getting to know Phoenix by letting her sniff my hand, and then scratching along her withers and back to let her know we could build a connection based on what she likes. After the introduction, myself and the volunteers began leading her around the arena at the direction of the center’s executive director.

Because I’ve had some cognitive issues with short-term memory and processing information since a life-altering accident nearly four years ago, it was a bit overwhelming to be in a new environment, surrounded by strangers, and trying to process and follow directions. At the same time, the exercise was designed to help me work through some of those and achieve the objective of carrying out the directions, which I did.

It’s a learning process how trauma has affected my brain, because it pops up in situations that are not difficult to think through in ways I never had difficulty with before. After a little while of following directions, I got to choose myself which way the team of people, Phoenix, and I would turn.

Wrapping up the session, the director said I did a good job. I heard the words and acknowledged them. Everything that had overwhelmed me still lingered and made it hard to see how I had done a good job. That is one thing trauma can do. It can burden the brain with such a sense of being overwhelmed that it’s hard to register anything else, even after the overwhelming moments have passed.

When we came to stop in the arena, I put my arms around Phoenix at the behest of the executive director, closed my eyes and listened to her breathe. It was like meditation, but maybe better, because it was about a healing connection and it involved the scent of horse that I’ve always loved. Perhaps in that moment Phoenix felt me soften and be open to feel what she felt, to know I was finding peace in that hug that might have infused her too.

When I released my light grasp of her and stood up, strong emotion caught me off guard. I felt raw and vulnerable, realizing how broken I felt from trauma and how I usually don’t realize it – something swept under the rug as I keep trying to navigate life and that doesn’t leave space for being a little or a lot broken from trauma. I still have moments I can’t handle things at work or in other spaces like I once did, even if it doesn’t allow space to really do that. That is when I dissociate, I’m sure.

In those moments hugging Phoenix, I didn’t have to pretend I’m okay. I didn’t have to pretend everything’s fine. That is when I was able to connect with how raw the trauma still is. It is uncomfortable to feel such a raw feeling, soul-scathed. Yet I think it shows me there is still work to do and over time will show me the path to catharsis. I can’t say if I will ever fully be the same mentally, but what I am hoping for is to be a little more like who I used to be and to heal more than I have.

I walked away from that one session knowing the connection with Phoenix reached me deeper than any traditional therapy session has, because it is so much easier to be raw and real with animals, and it doesn’t need words. That is why it runs more true. It is a soul to soul connection, and I am grateful to Phoenix already and also empathetic she has gone through trauma in her life.

Later, I spoke to my mom about the time with Phoenix and that she too had gone through trauma. My mom said Phoenix and I will help each other. That is so true. Maybe she will help me more than I will help her, but I am open to letting her know I care with no holds barred and I do believe that reached her.

I am glad this organization exists. I look forward to going back, and I am so glad to have time with horses again that has been so sporadic since I left Kentucky, even if so far the horse was in pony form – still a member of the equine family, of course!

Small Miracles has such a fitting name. It truly is a little miraculous after so long feeling shut off from the life I had and the me that I knew, I can see how I can start to repair that break, one little moment around horses at a time. Horses have always been therapeutic to me even before my accident; I’m glad I found a place that understands their importance in healing those who have gone through trauma, as well providing a safe landing for horses who had tough situations.

Caldera is a feature of a volcano created after an eruption, and also a promising three-year-old colt trained by D. Wayne Lukas and sired by Liam’s Map. Another meaning of Caldera, as it relates specifically to the colt, is hope.

This hope grew in leaps and bounds when the lightly raced colt was second to the more-experienced Getaway Car in the Sunland Park Derby. It was Caldera’s first stakes attempt and also a step forward in the pursuit of seeing if he was a good candidate to embark on the Derby trail. That race result yielded multiple reasons to laud Caldera.

First, he was only a nose behind Getaway Car at the finish after running wide due to his outside post position. Second, he and Getaway Car were nine lengths ahead of the third-place finisher, indicating they were much the best in that race. Third, he and Getaway Car both earned the same Equibase Speed Figure of 99.

I invested in Caldera several months ago through MyRacehorse, eager to have a horse trained by Lukas and hear his insights into training and this colt as well, a chance I would not have if not for my investment. Lukas has said for some time that he thinks Caldera has the potential to be a good racehorse, and I was so proud of him for his finish in the Sunland Park Derby. He showed he is a serious racehorse and that opens up a lot of possibilities and it is exciting to think of what his future might hold.

While the Sunland Park Derby second place finish did not give him enough points to qualify for the Kentucky Derby, it achieved what it was meant to do. It showed us that Caldera can keep moving forward after he took a big step up.

For me, personally, after a lot of physical challenges that continue to get worse and make life and my mental state difficult, the Sunland Park Derby felt like a lifeline. I needed something to look forward to, and Caldera showing he could stand his ground well against a more experienced contender sent my hope soaring. While I invested because of Lukas, Caldera himself is becoming the best part of the offering too. It’s what one could always hope for a racehorse investment, that they show they are capable of moving forward to major achievements. 

Wherever he goes from here as he keeps trying to progress to better races, I am glad to be a small part of Caldera’s journey and get to cheer him on in his races. It should be a fun ride!

Standing at the rail at several points over the last three days of the fall meet, and walking the grounds of Keeneland as I so often did when I lived in Kentucky, it struck me more than ever how the races there attract all generations. Two moments in particular that stood out to illustrate that. One was when a young girl and her mother were waiting near me for a race to begin. The daughter asked the name of the horse in that race they had picked. The mom replied, “Sugar Bell.” The daughter said she liked that name, and the mom answered, “Me too.” It was a simple exchange but it meant so much at the same time – two generations sharing the love of racing at a showcase racetrack, and that all of us present were there in the late fall sunshine and warm temperatures to soak it all in. It meant so much that I got to return and experience it all again.

The other moment that resonated the most of multiple generations experiencing a day at the races in this pastoral setting was when the annual tradition of the Headless Horseman saw a rider on a black horse go past the crowds gathered at the rail between races. A baby, likely less than a year old, looked to the horse going by and after a few moments patted her head as she looked at her mom. It was an adorable moment of her trying to express that she noticed the rider’s head was not visible.

During the three days I had at Keeneland, as I looked around the track and at the framework of the new structure overlooking the paddock, I could see how it too would be in keeping with the timeless appeal of the track and closer to completion be decorated with stones to have it blend in with the other Keeneland structures on the track side to look like it had always been there. That is one of many things I have always appreciated about Keeneland – that even when it embraces innovations or changes the layout of the area around the track for patrons, it still retains its charm.

When the races wrapped up and I went to the airport to go home, I paused before getting on the plane to soak in one last moment of Keeneland appreciation until the next time I returned, looking at the advertisement on the wall that did highlight its motto “for the love of the horse… for generations to come,” with that foundation set by the families that come like the mother and her daughter that picked Sugar Bell, and with the new structure being built, but yes of course most of all for that love of the horse that even meant a name like Sugar Bell created a momentary affection.

When the plane I was on rose over the airport, Keeneland suddenly appeared beneath us. It was quiet. The races had concluded until April, and it was lovely in the quiet hush of gathering twilight. I was grateful to have one more glimpse of those grounds I love. I was grateful I got to return, and grateful they have that commitment to racing for generations to come. It will endure, and I will be back. Someday.

A few more photos from my time at the fall meet:

Since I still get revenue from Authentic’s stud fees as part of the deal Spendthrift Farm worked out with MyRacehorse investors in the Derby winner, I included the first of his progeny I got to see race. They competed against one another in a maiden race for two-year-olds on October 25.

When eight horses loaded into the gate for the Preakness on May 18, Derby winner Mystik Dan was among them after trainer Kenny McPeek initially wasn’t inclined to run the colt, having noted he previously hadn’t turned in a good race with a quick turnaround. But when he bounced out of the race well, giving him a shot at the Preakness didn’t seem like too much of a stretch. And indeed, Mystik Dan ran a good race, but he could not reach Seize the Grey before the wire.

It was a marquee victory for all involved. Jockey Jaime Torres had only been riding for a short time. Not only was this his first appearance in a Triple Crown race and subsequently his first victory in one, it was also his first Grade 1 win. Quite a race to achieve that milestone in!

For D. Wayne Lukas, Seize the Grey’s victory gave him the distinction of being the oldest trainer to win the race. In a interview for the Kentucky HBPA’s YouTube channel a few days after the race, he wondered something to the effect of whether that was a great accolade. I am sure it was meant as such – speaking still to how age doesn’t matter when it comes to having honed a lifetime of acumen with preparing horses for top races.

For MyRacehorse, Seize the Grey is the first horse the entity 100% owned to win a classic race. Authentic, of course, won the Derby in 2020 with them along for the ride as a minority owner – and while that didn’t diminish the thrill of a singular victory, having one in the stable that was all theirs was another feather in the cap.

Perhaps it is the confluence of factors that led to young Torres being connected with racing in general and then some of Lukas’ horses that is the most compelling. Lukas clearly saw his potential and promise long before the Preakness, or no doubt he would not have the mount for that race.

Torres, naturally, was interviewed quite a bit by racing publications following the Preakness, where he recounted what led him to turn to racing as a profession. He was initially captivated seeing races on TV and then live at the track in his native Puerto Rico, which he mentioned in the moments on live TV immediately after winning the Preakness as he rode towards the winners’ circle. Later, in a print interview, he mentioned always being drawn to horses. The seeds were sown early for the path that lead him to this pinnacle achievement at Pimlico.

When he turned that passion to the pursuit of a career aboard horses, he learned from a top jockey colony. I could relate to always being drawn to horses, to the point of thinking that must be a calling. What he said about learning from a competitive jockey colony brought to mind what Rosie Napravnik once said – that the opportunity to learn from them, even just by observation in races alongside them, was instructive and necessary to further hone her own riding skills. Recalling that, it is clear such experience helped boost Torres’ own career.

Listening to Lukas speak in the post-Preakness press conference, he mentioned advice he had given Torres and also that he had not hesitated to call him out on a poor ride once. It was clear then the role of Coach was still one that was innate to him, and it was interesting to hear him discuss advice that could pertain to life in general, not just riding races. One was, “Do more than you think you can do, and be better than you think you can be.” I believe too we all can sometimes push ourselves a little more than we think and do better than we think, and maybe hearing that is possible from an outside perspective brings it all in focus.

With all those threads that combined to lead Seize the Grey to Preakness glory, the horse himself turned in a great effort, wire-to-wire, and never once faltered. It was beautiful to see that he would not be collared even when for a moment one wondered if Mystik Dan would catch him. When Mystik Dan wasn’t able to catch up to Seize the Grey, the dreams of a young jockey and 2,750 investors through the My Racehorse platform were realized, maybe even more than they had dared hope for but still wished would be.

Even as Lukas is not about to hang up his hat anytime soon, it is wonderful to think of how he has mentored multiple new generations to be involved in racing, to carry on the tradition and that too is already part of his vast legacy in the sport, with his latest protege of course being Torres.

Seize the Grey is expected to go on to contest the Belmont Stakes at Saratoga. The chance to carry on the dream continues!